my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A real post

Because I still feel weird posting here after family members were offended... and what I wrote absolutely have been offensive, but I use this to write offensive, honest and raw things.  It's why people read it.  The PC writing is boring and might as well be posted in a cute greeting card.

Ah well.  It's been a long few months and not many family members are really interacting with me at any rate.  Which freaks me out but is refreshingly easier on my brain and heart to be honest.  It freaks me out because I think I am truly and honestly growing apart from them, and I miss what I had built up what I thought our relationships could be like.  It's easier on me because in reality, our relationships were nothing even close to what I wanted them to be, and I was either hurting them or offending them or being hurt and offended.  And I mean, this was not intentional on either side - just people who are so freakishly different that there's no way to have a functional relationship even if there is that weighty 'family' label pasted on our foreheads.

I am of an age and time in my life where I am who I am and I love it.  I am not of a mind to apologize for my principals, morals or beliefs.  These are the things who brought me where I am today.  The things that attracted all the wonderful, strong women-sisters in my life, the things that helped me get through the toughest times when I had to reach into myself to survive, the things that brought my amazingly handsome and strong husband to fall deeply in love with me.  These traits are what I rely on to help me make business decisions, running my company with confidence, skill and a deep commitment to everyone who comes into contact with it.  I'm not going to apologize for who I have fought to become and whom so many wonderful friends and real family love me for being.


Here we are.

Me.  Happy.  Being Me.

Not Pretending.  Not Trying To Fit In.

Where I Don't Even Like Being.

Okay, some pregnancy stuff now.

For one, I am falling head over heels with this baby.  I love him being with me every second of every day.  I don't feel alone even when I am.  I take long hot showers in the mornings with my music blasting away on the counter and I 'dance the baby' while all the soap and water swirls around me.  I'm a pretty busy person during the day so stolen moments like this seem sacred to me - when I actually just let myself fall into the thought of this tiny person nestled inside me.  

I've moved from feeling fat and awkward to full and sexual.  I know I don't have a firm, young body, but this body is loved and accepted by myself, my husband and everyone who knows me.  It's a perfect shell for me, and is doing a spectacular job of hosting this very special little soul.

Oh, and I've also started 'walking the baby'.  A good friend of mind walks on an indoor track every morning and I've begun to join her three times a week.  Getting up out of my amazingly comfortable bed at 6:30 am on a exceptionally freaking cold morning is really dreadful to say the least... but to get to the track, pull my fat butt up three flights of stairs and then start in on my hour long walk feels like a million dollars once the process is actually happening.

I've gained about 12 lbs so far and would like to only gain 15 more in total.  Since baby has about 7 to go, and water, blood and placenta will count for at least another 5, that means I'll hopefully end up just 15 lbs heavier than when I got pregnant.  Excellent goal but I'll need to work at it over the next few months.  Thank gawd warmer weather is happening soon.  It will make getting out of the house a lot more appealing.

Okay.  It's late and I'm exhausted.  Night from a real person saying real crap without pulling the punches.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Heading into 6th Month - 23rd Week!!

Month 6: May feel baby hiccup

This month continues to be a period of rapid growth. At 24 weeks, your baby can suck his thumb and you may feel baby hiccup. He will have patterns of sleep and activity which you will come to know. His skin has lost its translucent appearance, but he still has not laid down any stores of fat and is therefore quite thin.
Your baby's skin is wrinkled and red. It is covered with lanugo (fine, soft hair) and vernix (a substance consisting of oil, sloughed skin cells and lanugo). Real hair and toenails are beginning to grow.
Your baby's brain is developing rapidly. Fatty sheaths which transmit electrical impulses along nerves are forming. Meconium, your baby's first stool, is developing. A special type of fat (brown fat) that keeps your baby warm at birth is forming.
Baby girls will develop eggs in their ovaries during this month. The baby's bones are becoming solid. Your baby is almost fully formed and looks like a miniature human. However, because the lungs are not well developed and the baby is still very small, a baby cannot usually live outside the uterus at this stage without highly specialized care.
By the end of the sixth month, your baby will be around 11 to 14 inches (28 to 35 centimeters) long and will weigh about 1 to 1.6 pounds (500 to 750 grams).
You are now visibly pregnant. You will gain weight around this time, and you may feel overheated and sweaty as your blood supply increases. Your face may look flushed as well. Your heart and lungs are working 50% harder than normal. You may have some pain in your ribcage as the baby begins to press upwards. Shortness of breath may follow for the same reason. As your pregnancy progresses, it is important to maintain correct posture and protect your feet and joints. Wear comfortable shoes and clothing, rest with your feet up, and continue your antenatal exercises.

Week Twenty Three: Sense of balance develops

You are 23 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 21 weeks)
  • He or she measures over 28cm and weighs up to 550 grams.
  • The baby is over 11 inches tall, weighs about a pound.
  • The eyebrows are visible.
  • The child can successfully suck.
  • Bones located in the middle ear harden.
Your baby does a regular 'workout' inside your womb. He or she turns from side to side and head over heels. Thanks to a fully developed inner ear, which controls balance, your baby may have a sense of whether he or she is upside-down or right side up in the womb.

Skin pigment is now forming. The fetus is now proportioned like a newborn except it is a thinner version of a newborn baby since its baby fat has not developed much yet.

The pancreas, essential in the production of hormones, is developing steadily. Baby has begun producing insulin, important for the breakdown of sugars.

If born now, your baby would have a 20% chance of survival, the odds going up with each passing day. By this week, your baby weighs a little over 1 pound (500g). Its crown to heel length is 11 inches (28cm).