my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Test Results, The Clinic and Waiting to Go Home

Well... It feels kind of strange.  Surreal, like I'm not really here, just pretending to be.  But I am here...  In Vancouver, waiting in an internet cafe for time to slip by so I can head to the airport and wait for it to slip by some more.  My iPhone is almost dead so this computer is pulling double duty as I've plugged my wireless device into another wireless device with, yeah, you guessed it, a wire.  When will they get these things to charge wirelessly?

I was up all night tossing and turning, scared I'd miss the plane, that David didn't set the alarm correctly, or that it wouldn't work.  Of course it did, and so did mine. :)  Anyhow...  I was up at 4:20 this morning, waiting for 5 to roll around to get to the airport at 6 to take off at 7.  Ugh.  I'm so tired now! 

Flight was pretty routine, I am not keen on landing at the best of times and landing on an ice covered runway during a snowstorm doesn't ease my un-keen-ness at all.  However, I digress.  I arrived in Vancouver in time to walk out the front of the airport doors, slide into a waiting cab and got to my appointment with 5 minutes to spare.  The clinic had good energy, a little too clinicy for my taste... very ultra modern decor, but it was all nicely done and the staff were very nice.

I put down a $500 IVF deposit and we were off and running.  I was weighed (oh, God... gained 23 lbs since starting fertility treatments a year ago!! OMG)  and measured (same height as starting fertility treatments - oh well) and then told to strip from the waist down.  Now I've been in a lot of doctor's offices, striped from the waist down, but this was a really long, scary wait.  I know I wasn't left that long, but I was really truly anxious, and why do they put your butt facing the door so when the doc comes in he gets a nice dose of bum-line to start the introductions??

Doctor Havelock was very young.  I'd guess mid 30's.  Kind of has a Micheal J. Fox look and expressions.  I was really shocked at how upset I was at my previous treatment, and asked them to be patient with me, I had not realized how much stress and pressure I had been under, keeping track of all my meds, doses, appointments, etc.  He was great, and took care to show me the ultrasound and explain what he was doing as we went along.  

First he inserted the cathetor into my cervix, it didn't hurt at all, not like when Dr. Lang used the *evil* teneculum to clamp down on my poor cervix.  Dr. Havelock is my new best friend.  He got the thing in without any pain or even hesitation.  Okay, so anyhow, then he has the nurse hold a tube of saline, and he goes in with the vaginal ultrasound.  I have had so many vaginal ultrasounds that I barely noticed the vainal ultrasound.... hmmmm

Anyhow... so he looks at my ovaries and says they are excellent.  Good size, 10 anterior follicles on the left and 12 on the right.  Ten is considered good/average, so the doctor was very pleased.  Then the saline was slowly injected, some mild discomfort there... and the uterus was ultrasounded.  And it was great.  Doctor said the walls were nice and smooth, no abnormalities, and looked great. 

Now we just need the final blood tests performed so we can move onto getting the solid dates in place.  Those should be done on the 4th...  But the clinic said they'd give me my dates tomorrow so we can coordinate flights, hotels, etc. 

So I am sitting here... the cramps have really set in (doctor said they would) and I just downed three painkillers with a foul grapefruit/kiwi drink that won't see more than an inch missing from the bottle.  Hopefully the meds kick in soon.

Oh, and on a final note.. we did get extended medical so our drugs and travel costs *should* be covered....  Yay!  Now into a cab to the airport and wait another few hours to climb onto the plane, fly to Edmonton and then finally drop into Grande Prairie (and David's arms) at 10:30 tonight, for the 2.5 hour drive home... *yawn*

Monday, December 28, 2009

It's Like Being In Line For The Roller Coaster

You can't wait to get there, but you have a ball of dread in your stomach at what's going to happen.  There's nothing anyone can tell you to keep away - you hear stories that conflict each other.  Some tales are dripping with excitement and wonder and a smug knowing accomplished with a tender nudge.  Others... others are filled with dire warnings and a firm hand, one that holds you back. 

But it's our ride.  We've paid a horribly high price for the ticket.  We're not only committed, we're obligated... to something that doesn't have a name, a heartbeat or a voice, only the hope of one.  So we'll take it, and we'll share our story at the end.  We'll be a lot wiser at the end of it, we'll also be very happy or very sad.

I'm off to PCRM in Vancouver on December 30th for a sonohystogram and more bloodwork, as well as my injections class.  Should be interesting to know if I've been doing my injections correctly for the past six months - I never had as much as a 'how-to' flyer given to me.  Oh, and the drugs should be interesting... I was on clomid for 12 months and started to experience vision issues, then found out I am only supposed to be on clomid for a maximum of 6 months, and the vision symptoms I was experiencing are indicitive of my retina detaching.  Lovely. 

I had CD3 tests performed on December 23rd, but won't find out the results until the 30th... I am hopeful they were good!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

My other blog is a baby blog

Haha, right?  Seriously.  I have an empty 'Wilson Baby Blog' all designed and empty and waiting for some kind of news about a pregnancy.  I started it last February when I was so sure that pregnancy was going to stick.  Haha, right? 

Well, I guess we'll see over the next six months if we'll get to use that empty shell and use some of the pretty designs and ideas I put into it.  Oh yeah, and the blog might take flight as well. 

We start IVF procedures in January.  Seems we might be flying down to Vancouver at the end of the month for more tests and initial/first round of consultations and official introduction to our IVF path.  yay.  I mean... Yay!

Okay I have to admit I am a little excited.  A little hopeful.  It seems in the IVF world we are pretty good candidates for those old success rate sheets.  I mean we  have no fertility issues, we've gotten pregnant, I've done my duty as a breeding mare before and David's boys are up to par.  I'm 'average' age in the IVF realm and in good health.  Hopefully the end of January will be the beginning of a pregnancy. 

Monday, December 14, 2009

The Final Step

In a vastly fertile family, it seems kind of freakish that I will be moving onto IVF.  David and I had big talks about it and while he has more fear than I do about the entire thing.  I want it to be over one way or the other.  I am tired of every month, every plan, every season being about me 'maybe' being pregnant.  Plus the drugs make me fat.  I really dislike being fat.  I have managed to gain 20 lbs of fat since I started the drugs and not one bit of it can be contributed to pregnancy.  It's actually non-pregnancy fat.  Not cute and charming like pregnancy fat, which can be easily overlooked when you have a cooing, gorgeous newborn to distract those intruding eyes.

So the papers came in the mail today.  The legal forms required to procreate.  I remember when getting pregnant meant having a few too many beers and praying feverishly for your period and avoiding the pregnancy test until you were about ten days late.  We have to have STD tests; AIDS and Hep B and C and small pox and even syphillis and chicken pox.  Yes I know the 'pox' are not STDs but they are still on the list.  Nobody wants to create a baby from impure ingredients I guess. 

And I get to have another FSH test.  It was a year ago this month when I had my first one.  I wonder if all my 'good eggs' have been wasted on the useless IUI cycles we did (mostly uninseminated - is that a word, un-inseminated?)  I mean, did I have like... 30 good eggs left and they are gone?  Can my FSH really raise in 12 months...? 

This thing is going to a whole new level and while my hopes are raised, I am all too aware that the height from which I might fall is raised as well. 

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Ultrasound, Check - Follicle, Check - Doctor, ummmm Doctor???

Yep.. you got it.... I went for my ultrasound this morning and the ultrasound tech went to talk to the doctor but came back ten minutes later saying she couldn't get in touch with him.  So, she gave me the stats, or at least most of them.  I have one follicle that measures 18mm X 15mm X 23mm on my right ovary, and 9 smaller ones that she didn't have sizes for.  My uterine lining was a nice 8 mm which is good for where I am in my cycle.

So I'm on track.  Everything is going just swell.  Except there was no doctor to be found.  I called the office all day and finally had a neighboring receptionist go over and try to get them to answer a message, but there was nobody there.   Sigh.

It's not like I would be triggering tonight or anything.. and with that one big egg waiting to burst I doubt if he'd have me do more injections, so I don't think anything will be really affected at this point, but I am looking forward to hearing from his office in the morning.

I somehow have a bit more hope now.  Maybe it's because two more of my blog buddies are pregnant, and another just gave birth.  I am always, always the only non-pregnant one.. but that can't last forever, can it?

Upcoming Schedule as of Today.... (in anticipation)

Trigger on Wednesday night around 10 p.m.
IUI on Friday morning around 10 a.m.
BD Friday around 2 p.m.
Test around December 17th
Do not tell anyone until Christmas - including David if I am so lucky as to get a bfp
EDD August 27th.