my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Friday, December 31, 2010

14 Weeks Pregnant

This is the baby's heartbeat... I get to hear this amazing song every night!!!

The blog is changing... I'm not sure this is the right place for what I'm writing about.  This blog was a huge place for me to express myself - to be honest, and to say whatever I was feeling, no matter how 'right' or 'wrong' it was at the time.  It was just real.  Writing for me is therapy, it's a way to let the emotion out, pouring it through my fingertips onto a screen and releasing me from whatever was binding.

One of the most difficult things to do when you write is to write freely.  I've always known the blog was public, and there was a certain risk in saying what I was feeling... but lately I've become aware that some of my words had a personal impact on people in my life.  I didn't say anything here that I didn't express to them directly, and it's virtually impossible for anyone else to figure out what or whom I was referring to, as I never discussed the incident outside my marriage... yet seeing it in black and white had a more profound impact, and feelings were hurt.

Now, I find it impossible to write about anything real.  I don't want to update the posts... and I feel guilty because I get emails asking me to do so.   I have tons of feeling, and emotions, and stories that I want to share but I'm unable to.... 

This blog was an emotional lifeline through one of the toughest times of my life.  I don't want to let it go, but it feels like the line has been cut.  I'm considering creating a baby blog so those people who don't wish to read my personal posts can still get baby updates.... but will I ever really be able to write about all that I write about?  Sex?  Personal issues?  Frustrations?  The details on medical information?  Fears? Being totally open and raw and real?  Being open and raw and real is therapy for me if it's safe... but being open and raw and real when I feel vulnerable is a totally different story!

Anyhow... I need to think about it....  Here's the latest update on baby.... Oh, and I'm feeling great... get tired from time to time but otherwise... great!

Week Fourteen: Hormones start up

You are 14 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 12 weeks)
  • The fetus is 3 and half inches (9cm) long.
  • Weight is about 1 and half ounces (45 grams).
  • The eyes are slowly moving towards the centre of the face.
  • The nose is more pronounced. The ears are fully developed.
  • The cheekbones are visible. The first hair is appearing.
  • The kidneys are producing urine.
  • In girls, the ovaries are moving down towards the pelvis.
  • In boys, the prostate gland is developing.
  • For girls, the ovaries move into the pelvis.
14 weeksYour baby now is peeing into the amniotic fluid round itself as well as making breathing movements. With the effect of hormones, the boys now have a prostate gland. For girls, the ovaries move from the abdomen into the pelvis. During this week of pregnancy the head and eyebrow hair develops.

Your child's bones are getting harder and stronger by the day. Your baby's skin is very transparent still. Lanugo (very fine hair) covers the baby's body and will continue to grow until 26 weeks gestational age - Generally this will be shed prior to birth. Its purpose is to help protect baby's skin while in all that water.

As your baby grows, your uterus and placenta are also growing. Six weeks ago, your uterus weighed 5 ounces (140 g). Now, it weighs about 8.75 ounces (250g). The amount of amniotic fluid around the baby is also increasing. There is now about 7.5 ounces (250ml) of fluid. You can easily feel your uterus about 3 inches (7.6cm) below your bellybutton.

Your baby is 3.42 inches (8.7cm) long and weighs about 1.52 ounces (43 grams)


  1. Sonya, I hope that you do continue to write in some way. Selfishly, I'd love to continue on your journey with you--we've never met, but I've followed your blog since you were on the March 2011 board and continue to celebrate your journey as it unfolds. I understand the therapeutic value that writing holds for you and regret that you feel you cannot enjoy the ability to be open and honest as you once were. Whatever decision you make, please know that I, along with many others, have been honored to follow you this far on your journey and wish you the best of luck in the weeks, months and years to come.
    Andie (aka triathleteandie)

  2. Sonya,

    I COMPLETELY agree with the previous post. It says EXACTLY the words I am also feeling. So many of us have struggled with infertility right there along with you. It's therapeutic for all of us and really solidifies everything we have suffered through. We REALLy understand each other and I think appreciate our pregnancy successes (FINALLY!) even more. I truly hope you continue to blog and release your inner emotions as little or as much as you feel comfortable. I think creating a pregnancy blog is a wonderful idea! I would love to do the same...I just don't know how! Anyways, so many of us have followed you through this journey. It would be like reading a book and skipping the ending! Plus, I know you have helped a LOT of women struggling with infertility. That is SO powerful! I wish you the BEST in 2011 and I hope you will continue to pursue your talents of writing and blogging.

  3. thanks for sharing the heartbeat! That is music to my ears! How wonderful that you get to hear that and be reassured everynight of that special gift you've got! Have you considered doing another blog, but anonymously? I started mine anonymously for several reasons, one of them b/c I'd like to write unsensored. However, I've now shared the address with some of my very close friends who do follow along and since then I've somewhat sensored what I said. I kinda wish I stayed truly anonymous, but I also enjoy sharing my story with my certain "real life" people. Lots to think about, but whatever you do, I hope we get to stay connected (virtually).

  4. I did the same thing....Once you hear the baby's heartbeat, you will want to share it with everyone. And, I remember when I was pregnant with my first child I went to the doctor there I saw her little arms and legs were moving and her little heart was beating like a drum. So....Sweet