my Self

My photo
Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I Can't Stop!


So I think I solved my issue... you can check out the Wilson Baby Blog if you want the watered down, politically correct, baby / pregnancy related version of what is happening in my womb.

But this space has been claimed as my own personal online diary that writes back, and I'm just going to write whatever I freaking well want to here, as I always have.


How am I feeling.....


I can't say that my first trimester was difficult, but since I slept through most of it I could be wrong.  I was coming home from work and crawling into David's easy chair within moments.  Shortly thereafter I could be identified as the drooling, snoring member of the family, responding to very little outside stimulation.  I was so tired I skipped my nightly bath, and was even skipping supper for a while.  Except I discovered that skipping meals lead to sudden, violent onslaughts of excessive gagging and dry heaving.

My second trimester has been a lot easier so far.  I've got a lot more energy and am eating more normally.  Thankfully I have only gained a couple pounds (the doctor says I've actually lost weight, but my scales say I've gained about three).  I am still tired but not suffering from near narcolepsy.  I had really shocking RLP in the first few weeks of pregnancy, even before we got our positive beta test... the doctor was shocked and said he's never heard of it occurring that early.  Well, it's back and I find myself doubling over, holding my tummy if I feel the need to laugh, or cough, or sneeze.  I move very slowly when I get up from a chair or roll over in bed.  I like the feeling because I know things are growing!!

Oh, and at about 11 weeks I got fat.  Not a cute little bump like the beautiful, skinny women get, but an overall increase in my already slightly rounded belly.  I have a fairly flat tummy with great muscles, but am one of those lucky women who got that little bit of baby fat the first time around and never, ever got rid of it.  So while my uterus was growing and rising, I wasn't really getting that poking out, rather the inch and a half of flabby belly being pushed up and out.  Sigh.  I'm getting my belly flap sliced off once I'm all done hosting children inside my belly... no doubt about it!

I digress.  Back to getting fat.  My jeans were uncomfortable.  Cutting into me, and making me feel like I'd gained 20 lbs even though the scale said I was the same.  I was bloating badly as well, so at night I looked 5 months pregnant and felt 8.  So I started wearing a lovely device called a hair elastic around my snap, with my zipper at half mast.  That's okay for my stretchy jeans, as long as I have a shirt long enough to cover the gaping zipper.  But my less stretchy jeans still didn't feel that great.  I was getting grouchy and annoyed by mid-afternoon.

I got maternity pants.  Oh my god is there anything more comfortable than a three inch wide elastic band, gently caressing my swollen stomach?  I love them!!!

I honestly think I am starting to actually show a bit, now.  Of course you can't tell with my clothes on, and shirt down, but if I am wearing just panties or a pair of yoga pants, I can see a cute little swelling and not just a general increase in roundness.


I'm starting to warm up to being a pregnant woman.  I was in disbelief and worry the first few weeks, and then too tired and sick to really feel anything the next few weeks.  Then I got fat and that sucked, and then Christmas came and I was too busy to think about the baby or being a mommy... not real, serious, deep thought, anyhow

But now I'm starting to really sink into the 'glowy' part of being pregnant.  I feel physically and emotionally full... sated might be a better word.  The only thing I can compare it to is the warm, dreamy, liquid blanket that covers you after making love, you know, when the room is dark and heavy and your lover is close?  I have a deep feeling of connection to David, and to the baby, and even to my two grown sons, knowing I am carrying their sibling.  I have a deep feeling of connection to myself.  A connection to the new life that's squirming and growing and safe deep inside the most secret part of me.

And I'm excited.  Excited to make my amazing friend and husband a father.  Excited that we didn't give up... Excited.  Happy.  Joy-Full

And not going to stop writing my real, raw, politically un-correct but honest feelings.


  1. Glad to hear that things are going so well during your second trimester. I am in the first trimester completely exhausted phase and can't wait to move on to the next!

  2. Yeah for the second trimester!! Hopefully for a few months you will have a bunch of energy left at the end of the day :-) And don't you ever stop writing your "raw, politically un-correct but honest feelings," you are an excellent writer and you never know how many people who never respond you may be helping.

    Jill (WTE momma)

  3. I'm glad you are continuing to write! You have so many followers and people who love reading your success, especially after your past. You give people hope and excitement! The topic might have changes, but it's a happy change. :)

  4. I am glad you are going to continue writing. I would really miss hearing from you. And YAY! T2! I am so excited for you!

  5. Beautifully said. :) So very happy for you!

  6. Yay to writing on! You're enthusiasm is is so sincere it's contagious! =)

  7. I'm so glad you aren't stopping! I look forward to your updates!!!

    Congrat's on the second trimester!!!

  8. Hi there! I haven't been on in a while, but I'm glad your continuing to write. I look forward to reading your posts, and love how 'raw' and honest you are. Don't stop being you! So glad to hear all is going well!