my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Different Kind of Blogging

It's not epic.

It's not dark, sad or very moving at all.

I am not ashamed to clearly admit that I am much more inspired by pain or heartache than by normalcy or joy.  It's often the case with someone who writes.  My writing is exceptionally self serving... it's an outlet for pain, an expression of despair, a silent cry poured out through my fingers.

And it's been months since I've needed that outlet.  There are no mind numbing episodes of bleeding, no gut wrenching cramps or abnormal ultrasounds.

There's just me, and the baby in perfect harmony.  Like it was all meant to be, all along.  I always secretly held onto the belief that our losses were only physical.  The soul of our child kept having to wait patiently for the perfect time for us to be the perfect parents that s/he needed.... for the perfect body for s/he to spend an entire lifetime gracing our world in.   This baby feels natural, and my body has wrapped itself softly around it with a sureness and comfort unlike anything I've known.

And so my need to write is numb.  Thankfully.  Instead I lay at night, my hands gently cradling my growing belly, and feel our baby exploring the world inside me.  The nudges, pokes and rippling are gentle reminders of life, becoming aware of itself and the world around it.  Energy, with a soul learning about its new earth bound body.

We're just finished our 16th week.

Week Seventeen: Fat accumulates

You are 17 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 15 weeks)
  • The umbilical cord is growing thicker and stronger.
  • Fetus weight is just over 5 ounces (150g).
  • Baby is about 5 inches (14cm) long crown to rump.
  • and would be about 9 inches (23cm) head to toe, if it could stretch out.
  • The retina has become sensitive to light.
  • The first stools (meconium) are now beginning to accumulate.
They recycle the amniotic fluid by swallowing up to a litre a day. Meconium (composed of products of cell loss, digestive secretion and swallowed amniotic fluid), is accumulating in the bowel. Fat stores begin to develop under your baby's skin this week. The fat will provide energy and help keep your baby warm after birth.

Baby's eyes are looking forward now, but they are still firmly closed. The skeleton is tranforming from cartilage to bone. The bones remain flexible to make the journey through the birth canal easier. You can feel your uterus just below your bellybutton. If you put your fingers sideways and measure, it is about two finger-widths (1 inch) below your bellybutton. Your uterus is the size of a cantaloupe.

The crown to rump length of your growing baby is 5 to 5.6 inches (12.5 to 14cm) by this week. Weight of the fetus is about 5.25 ounces (150g).


  1. That is so awesome...while I check your blog and see nothing...I am comforted that soon it will be me...boring and wonderful is sometimes one of g-d's greatest gifts. ENJOY

  2. Hi Sonya,

    I am SO happy for you and so thankful everything is going well! I am so glad you are continuing to post updates so your blog readers can follow your amazing journey. I'd love to comment on your baby blog, but I don't have an account and to comment as "anonymous" isn't an option on that blog like it is on this one. Any ideas?

  3. Your latest post brought tears to my eyes. I am so beyond happy for you. You're kind of like the butterfly emerging from the many months (years really) of struggle and finally something beautiful and happy. No one is more deserving of this. I don't always remember to come and check here...but I'm so glad I did today. Hugs!