It's not dark, sad or very moving at all.
I am not ashamed to clearly admit that I am much more inspired by pain or heartache than by normalcy or joy. It's often the case with someone who writes. My writing is exceptionally self serving... it's an outlet for pain, an expression of despair, a silent cry poured out through my fingers.
And it's been months since I've needed that outlet. There are no mind numbing episodes of bleeding, no gut wrenching cramps or abnormal ultrasounds.
There's just me, and the baby in perfect harmony. Like it was all meant to be, all along. I always secretly held onto the belief that our losses were only physical. The soul of our child kept having to wait patiently for the perfect time for us to be the perfect parents that s/he needed.... for the perfect body for s/he to spend an entire lifetime gracing our world in. This baby feels natural, and my body has wrapped itself softly around it with a sureness and comfort unlike anything I've known.
And so my need to write is numb. Thankfully. Instead I lay at night, my hands gently cradling my growing belly, and feel our baby exploring the world inside me. The nudges, pokes and rippling are gentle reminders of life, becoming aware of itself and the world around it. Energy, with a soul learning about its new earth bound body.
We're just finished our 16th week.
Week Seventeen: Fat accumulates
|You are 17 weeks pregnant. (fetal age 15 weeks)|
Baby's eyes are looking forward now, but they are still firmly closed. The skeleton is tranforming from cartilage to bone. The bones remain flexible to make the journey through the birth canal easier. You can feel your uterus just below your bellybutton. If you put your fingers sideways and measure, it is about two finger-widths (1 inch) below your bellybutton. Your uterus is the size of a cantaloupe.