my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Pregnant, Bitch or Nut

I can't even say it with conviction. Even though I just spent my first bout of gagging and urping into the toilet bowl. Just a nice conversation with David one moment and the next I am contemplating just what a crappy housekeeper I truly am when 6 inches away from the toilet seat.

Even though I cried so hard I blew snot bubbles at David over such things as
  • my new jeans were too big

  • my shoes were all wrong for my outfit

  • I hadn't done my toenails so I couldn't wear open toed shoes

  • David wasn't helping enough at the store

  • when David DID help, he made me feel bad

  • or I had to give him too much direction

Then.... when I was done with all that.. broke into hysterical laughter and then sobbing again... finally cleared up the boogers and tears...he said,

"You are either pregnant or nuts."

Bam! Sobbing again!

Okay I can laugh now. So can David... he was really awesome with it all....

So with being a certified bitchy nut, I also had a very sore back and boobs.

Here are my latest tests...

The skeptic tells me to beware. These tests were pretty much DRY before I got anything I could actually photograph. But... the dreamer in me thinks...evaps don't have color. Evaps don't get darker over time. Evaps don't happen three days in a row. And that cheapie internet stick at the top? I've been TRYING to get a freakin' evap for days now... That line is thicker than I could hope for...

I don't know. I feel pregnant.... and I don't feel scared this time.... I just wish those lines would come faster. Never enough, eh? Never enough? Gun shy.. this would be my fourth pregnancy in a year.

My niece asked me the other day, in a concerned voice, if we were going to 'keep trying'. I was kind of shocked at the question... is that what people think? That we should give up? That it's not working for us, that we are too old, or infertile? I don't think of ourselves that way at all... after being immersed in the Grief & Loss boards, our problems are the common cold when compared to the real cancer of infertility. We get pregnant just fine... and our issue is easily solved with proper medical care. It's just getting a good, sticky egg, and that's just a numbers game, one we apparently are getting better at playing.

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