my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Yay... everyone's pregnant!!

Except me! Yay.
Okay... I may be feeling a bit bitter. A bit left out. A bit angry. I now have nine, yes, nine wonderful, deserving online friends who were not pregnant when I met them, but who are all either pregnant, or have had babies. Look at how beautiful and shiny happy they are! And, yes, the bloated bellies are not limited to online chicks.... three close friends in town, all whom had struggled with miscarriages and are older women, like me, are very well into their second trimesters. I can't say that these women are some of the most deserving women out there who are TTC... I'd just like to say that I kind of figured that I was in their league! Ya know?

I'm not angry or bitter at their success, I'm just feeling helpless to join them. I have all the tools, all the resources, all the will and desire...... it just hasn't happened yet.

So I've had a few cries lately. I've spent a few showers (it drowns out any audible sad noises and I don't have to keep getting up to get tissue) getting some of the fear and anger out of my system... and even got pretty emotional talking to David last night. David, who is the most amazing man I have ever been blessed to know... who always knows what the right thing to say is, who always knows when to say nothing, who knows me better than I know myself.
Okay. Enough of the pity party. It's boring. I hear it too many times to participate for long. I really don't believe in it.
On to the good news. Last month (this cycle) I did injectable meds for the first time. I responded well. I mean, I responded exceptionally well. I responded beyond exceptionally well. I responded so exceptionally well that my loving husband was not allowed to get even remotely close to me. Okay, so we lost $800 and a month of trying. Well, so what. There are millions of women who would pay for my problem.
I am currenly waiting for my period to show. So we can start again. So I can take hormones and inject FSH and wait and undergo IUI and then. Wait. And wait. Any maybe it will work, and maybe it won't.. but maybe it will. We are aiming for an IUI on September 4th....

1 comment:

  1. Hey, nothing wrong with a good pity party from time to time. You want something that you don't have (yet) - which is a wholly pity-worthy situation. ((Hugs)) and fingers crossed for you!