my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


This has been a rough spring.  Some of you may have read about my sister who has had cancer for the past five years.. I've mentioned her a few times through my blog.  I have three other sisters and three other brothers, but I was only close to her and my younger brother. 

So it felt a massive loss when she passed away on April 10th. 
I was close to her, so I knew she was dying.  I accepted it a long time ago.  You just don't beat cancer like she had it.. it was everywhere.  I prayed for her death to be swift.  She was in so.much.pain.  And, she was far away from family with only one sister nearby to help in her care, and a very loving, but tired and in his late 50's husband.

Losing my sister was difficult enough.  The drama and decisions made by those around me were extremely hard to accept in the ensuing week.

I know I am tough and outspoken.  That trait is admired by a lot of people, but dreaded by others.  I know I say what others are thinking at times and it gets me into trouble.  But for every hard reality I've pointed out, there have been a hundred kind words, offers to help, or moments spent listening.  It isn't worth it.  I'm realizing slowly that I have to choose.  Either I keep my mouth shut and have these people 'like' me, or I have an honest relationship with (aka no relationship).

Still... I paid dearly for my big mouth this past week.  A much bigger price than I could ever imagine being due.  Nobody's been outright rude,  but I was sort of treated as a friend of the family, nothing more. 

I struggle with anger, and I know to try and understand is useless.  I can't change anyone, and why would I want to?  But this wasn't about them.  I think they all forgot that while they might not think of me as a close sister, she did.

This is me and my sister at my wedding last year.  We planned the date around her 50th birthday because I felt it would be her last.   
She died 11 months later, to the day.
There is one amazing gift my sister left me, a promise she asked me to keep... that I become a legal guardian of her two precious grandchildren, and to try my best to take her place in their lives.  They are Neveah and James, and thier mom is my sister's youngest daughter, a single mother who faces all the challenges of raising two kids.  My sister, Lori, was a big part in helping her raise the kids, and I am so honored by her wish.  I can never replace her, but I will do my best to be a big part of the kids' lives and  help any way I possibly can..
My great niece and nephew - gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!  I am holding my sister when I hold them.


  1. Oh Sonya, you have been put through the wringer! I am so, so sorry for the loss of your sister. I can imagine the way your family behaved at the funeral only made it that much more agonizing for you. You have been through so much these past several months.

    I sat here for a while after reading your post and just looked at the photo of you and your sister -- you both look so beautiful (radiant, really) and have such genuinely happy smiles. I can tell she was special to you. And you know something? You are right that when you cuddle those grandkids of hers you're holding your sister close to you, too. And she chose YOU out of everyone to be their guardian -- that shows such trust and love.

    I wish I could give you a big hug right now ...

  2. Sonya ~ I'm literally struggling back tears after reading your post. I am so sorry that you've had to experience not only the loss of your dear sister, but also the drama of your family. I'm so so sorry!

    You are a wonderful person! Your sister knew how special you are... that's why she wanted you to take her place with her grandchildren. Hold on to that precious thought and know in your heart what is most important to you and your family.

    ((hugs))... ironic how we find people to enter our lives at different points in time. I feel blessed to know you... even if it has been through WTE, FB and your blog. Keep smiling and know in your heart that you loved the right way... unconditionally. We can't do anything to change other people, but we can be confident in who we are as strong women. You are the best. Stay strong, sista! :) Luv ya!

  3. Sonya- Ive been thinking about you and your sister since your last post. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you can get through this with those great memories you shared with her.

    I'm with you on the family front. I'm completely different from most of them and unfortunately in times like these I think everyone just thinks about themselves, and their own grief. Just know that you shared what you shared with her and she knew it too. Lots of love and hugs from the distance.

  4. Sonya, I am so so sorry for the loss of your sister. I'm glad she had you there for her in the end... I'm sorry your family treated you that way and didn't allow you to be a part of her funeral process. That just irritates me... I would much prefer to have someone be open and honest with me even if that does mean they speak their mind with opinions that differ from mine and everyone elses.
    Sending you tons of hugs....
    I think you are a wonderful strong woman...who cares what they think :)

  5. I'm sooo sorry to hear that she has passed. Although her passing probably means a respite from the pain of cancer, her presence is missed. You will be a great grandma to her grandchildren. =) Are you in close proximity to her grandchildren? I know that just being there (in person) for little things on a daily or weekly basis will be the best thing these kids can have.

  6. Oh Sonya~I am so sorry hun. I am grieving with you for the loss of your sister. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling, but know she will always be with you in your heart.

    Families can be so cruel and heartless at times. I have experienced it to no end with my extended family. All you can do is be you and love the way you love. If they can't see the incredible person you are, then they are the ones missing out.

    Your warmth, strength and love can be felt even over the internet. Huge Hugs for you.

  7. OK you have officially been through enough sadness now... it can stop. Wish I had a way to fix it for you. You're in my thoughts, and I hope everything gets better with time.