my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Rants and Raves

First the rave.  I guess I consider raving something that's positive because I'm going to start this off with positive thoughts and information.

First positive.  My husband.  My soldier.  My hero.  And this isn't just because he is going above anything I expected a man who is so freakishly masculine to do.  It's because he does it with grace, love and gratitude.  I mean, he treats me like a princess even when I am acting like a wicked witch.  That doesn't happen often but it has a couple of times and he takes it all in stride.

He's my hero because he has always treated me like this.  The pregnancy has magnified his protectiveness of me, and he often tells me that he looks at me in complete awe, but even before I managed to sprout and grow his child, he's loved me so real it's simply mind blowing for someone who was so messed up in my youth.

It's a new thing for him to look after someone.  He's a manly man, never really been around kids, and his previous relationships seemed to be some pretty tough and independent women who were perfectly happy to look after themselves and expected their men to do the same.  Me... I'm a nurturer from the heart and love to be pampered in return.  It's taken a while... I admit it... but this morning when putting on my socks and shoes was taking me forever and I was in pain from trying to reach my feet... and he sat and helped me... well it made me realize two things.  One, I am getting pretty freaking huge; and two, I am pretty freaking lucky to have this man in my life.

He makes me dinner.  He does the laundry.  He picks up things for me and he helps me up when I'm struggling to get my balance.  I love him for who he is, and I love how I feel because he loves me.

Okay... can I rant now?

I'm getting big!!!!!   Went to the doctor yesterday and the baby has dropped.. his head is down but not engaged, and his body is laying on the right side of my body.  His butt is this hard bulge that somehow exceeds the boundary of my ribs.  I push it back into place throughout the day, and he pushes it right back out.

I can breathe easier now since he's lowered, and I am not sucking back gulps of disgusting, evil, chalky heartburn gunk throughout the day.  The first time I tried it I spewed it all over myself it was so gross.  I gagged and had to force myself to sip it between sips of water just to get some of the vile stuff in me.  I'm getting a lot better with it now, but only take it once a day or so, instead of every three hours.

I'm also sleeping better but the baby refuses to allow me to sleep on my left side.  He freaks right out.  Kicking and pushing and wiggling with all he's got if I dare turn onto my left side.  It's very cute that he sleeps all night (unless I flip to my left side) and wakes up in the morning when I start to talk to David.  Let's hope the baby keeps this schedule... LOL

My entire pelvic region aches most of the day.  I'm not sure why, but all my research says it's normal.  The muscles relaxing, preparing to release a giant baby in a few weeks.  It's nice that my body is doing it's job, but it sure feels like crap.

Now don't think for a moment that I am regretting this pregnancy.  I would have it no other way and most of the time I am regarding myself in complete awe that I am able to experience this.  Watching and feeling my body open and accommodate a separate being growing within itself... I would not trade this for the world.

I was pregnant twice before.  But as all things that happened as a young girl, the experience has faded and warped itself in my mind and only moments are clear and memorable to me.  I remember the births clearly, but the pregnancies are vague glimpses of a time over twenty years ago.  So this all seems exceptionally bright to me - as clear and crisp as the air, just before it snows in the fall.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, Sonya -- you are getting SO close now! You have done an incredible job and of all the blogs I read I feel like you are one with the ability to totally savor each moment of your pregnancy and for that I admire you! You will be cuddling your sweet baby before you know it.