my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Other Woman.

It has to be mentioned. It's part of our life. David has another love, whom he lives with over half the year. Lovingly referred to as 'the Patch'. She's the first wife who has first rights to his time, his thoughts, his time his hands, his time, his attention, his time... Did I mention his time? For anyone who does not live in Mid-Western Canada and whose living does not to a great degree rely directly or indirectly on the oil that we suck from the earth... the 'patch' is the oil patch. Black Gold. Pipeline. Station. Rig. Roughneck. Inspector. The Line. Big Pipe. First Love. Money. Lifestyle.

This lifestyle has a huge impact on our day to day living. Financially it's like winning the lottery. Emotionally it's like claiming bankruptcy. Well. Not most days.. just some days. I counted (David finds it both sad and amazing that I do things like this) the past twelve months and he's been home less than five months.

I said something to him the other day, "We live together only four or five months out of the year," and it really bothered him... But I explained that I *have* to think like that. I have to wrap my head around the fact that for a great deal of time I do essentially live alone. I do all the shopping, cleaning, decisions, cooking, arranging of furniture, entertaining of guests, decorating for changing seasons, alone.

~Notice what she's looking that...~

I can't live like I have a husband at home, because I don't. I can't pretend that I have this happy couple life where I get the luxury of sharing meals, events, favorite television shows, my bed, on a regular basis. If I did pretend that, I'd get resentful because it just ain't happening. And this lifestyle has NO room for resentment.

So, I explained, I accept the fact that I am a married person living a single life (sans dating!) and it makes it easier for me. I accept that when he gets home in the spring I will have about six weeks before I start counting down the time until he leaves again. I accept that we will have to re-arrange our living habits again, like we do every time we start to live together again.

David is doing what he needs to do in order to provide and protect me and my children. I am doing what I need to do in order to help him accomplish that. I am grateful for his work, grateful that he is a man I can trust, even when he can't be seen. Grateful for my freaky attitude in dealing with this strange marriage that imposes itself like an unwelcome houseguest in our lives.

And baby making? Well I finally had enough last fall when I realized we would lose four months of trying as a result of his schedule. We did miss two. January and February were re-arranged to match up with my schedule, which is almost as hard to change as his! I don't mind if we don't get pregnant... but I sure as hell mind if we can't even try.

1 comment:

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