I said something to him the other day, "We live together only four or five months out of the year," and it really bothered him... But I explained that I *have* to think like that. I have to wrap my head around the fact that for a great deal of time I do essentially live alone. I do all the shopping, cleaning, decisions, cooking, arranging of furniture, entertaining of guests, decorating for changing seasons, alone.
I can't live like I have a husband at home, because I don't. I can't pretend that I have this happy couple life where I get the luxury of sharing meals, events, favorite television shows, my bed, on a regular basis. If I did pretend that, I'd get resentful because it just ain't happening. And this lifestyle has NO room for resentment.
So, I explained, I accept the fact that I am a married person living a single life (sans dating!) and it makes it easier for me. I accept that when he gets home in the spring I will have about six weeks before I start counting down the time until he leaves again. I accept that we will have to re-arrange our living habits again, like we do every time we start to live together again.
David is doing what he needs to do in order to provide and protect me and my children. I am doing what I need to do in order to help him accomplish that. I am grateful for his work, grateful that he is a man I can trust, even when he can't be seen. Grateful for my freaky attitude in dealing with this strange marriage that imposes itself like an unwelcome houseguest in our lives.
And baby making? Well I finally had enough last fall when I realized we would lose four months of trying as a result of his schedule. We did miss two. January and February were re-arranged to match up with my schedule, which is almost as hard to change as his! I don't mind if we don't get pregnant... but I sure as hell mind if we can't even try.