my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

~~Ultrasound Day~~

Today is the day I have been waiting for.  A real, honest ultrasound with a real, honest technician, and a real, honest hope of seeing a real, honest heartbeat.  Really!  Honest! 

I am completely at a loss as to what to expect.  I know the odds are really with me that we will see a heartbeat.  It is just fear and insecurity that is keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground.  Sometimes a little fear and insecurity is a wonderful thing.  It keeps you safe, prevents you from, say, touching a glowing hot burner while cooking, or tripping when sightseeing near a high cliff, or expecting to give birth as a result of being pregnant.

The sad and dangerous part of fear and insecurity is that you might lose your love of cooking, miss an amazing view from a high cliff, or be unable to enjoy being pregnant when you are.

Honestly, deep down I am feeling fairly confident about today.  I was worried about my lack of symptoms, but I've talked to so many women who had babies and didn't puke their guts out for three months... well.. maybe I am just lucky.  Maybe my emotional misery is making up for my physical comfort!  *laugh*

Anyhow, we leave in just over an hour.  The ultrasound is a town away, about a 45 minute drive, at 9 a.m.  David's work turned out that he was actually able to start the spring break-up early and he is thankfully, wonderfully home and will be sharing the moment with me.  I am so grateful for his being there to witness this experience.  No matter which way it goes, I'll need my amazing  husband there to share the emotion. 

~Butterflies~  Okay....   wish me luck!


  1. Best of luck, Sonya! I will be thinking of you ...

  2. Thinking of you and praying for you! So glad David got to be with you! {{{Hugs}}}

  3. Best of Luck!! I am thinking about you today and can't wait to here the wonderful news.