my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Settling In

Well it's been five days since our ultrasound.  The baby, measuring 11mm at the time, should now be up to a whopping 16mm, or just over 1/2 an inch long.  That's about the size of a raspberry.  (If you ever google raspberry you'll come across some really amazing photos with yummy raspberries so beware.)
This is about how big our baby is at 8 weeks.
David and I have, of course, been talking a lot about what's going on inside my uterus.  I said it felt kind of strange to have this little worm-like thing inside me, with a heartbeat and everything, and then I put my arms hands up to my chest and kind of flapped them like a T-Rex and made a strange sound to convey what my image of what was inside me looked like.  David, horrified, said that he hoped to God that our baby would not have flippers and making a gahhh-gahhh sound.  Hey.  A sense of humour is seriously required in all this baby-making process.  

As cute as that raspberry is, this is more likely what the baby looks like at this stage.  I personally love the big square head and remainder of a tail.  And yes, it does have flippers.

Honestly, although I do feel a bit strange knowing there is something alive inside me, literally attached to me and feeding off my body, I also feel an extremely strong protectiveness towards it.  I like knowing that I'm wrapped around this little life, that my flesh protects it, and that I am aware.  And there is a sense of anti-clamatic settling in, a feeling of 'now what?' to our day to day life.  We are so conditioned to spending this time healing, mourning, finding strength to smile, employing our tried and true methods of coping.  Now... this is new territory... this pure waiting and simply going about the business of being pregnant.  

It's wonderful.

We are getting another ultrasound in about ten days or so.  I'll know the actual date tomorrow.  Maybe I should be more scared than I am; perhaps I should be worried about the heartbeat or the size of the fetus.  But I'm not.  Not really.  

All my exhaustive research assures me that every good sign we could have in front of us, is there.  Most of all, it just feels right.

The most surprising thing is realizing how far along we already are.  We didn't allow ourselves to accept the pregnancy until it was almost a quarter of the way through.  Now I get to see the baby with arms and legs at the next ultrasound, and I get to look forward to hearing the heartbeat on our own doppler in just a few short weeks.  The first trimester ends in mid-December.  


  1. I'm not sure if you remember me from the WTE boards, but I've been stalking you for months now and just wanted to give you my most happiest of congratulations! I have no doubt that next summer will be filled with sleepless nights and endless cries and you'll be loving every minute of it.

    I would tell you to relax and enjoy it, but I still haven't with mine and it's been 6 months already... So instead I'll tell you to celebrate every milestone, every craving, every appointment and every kick.

    May the rest of your pregnancy be "uneventful." At least medically speaking. :)

  2. Ahhh, a sweet little raspberry!! I bet you can't wait for your next ultrasound. I am still smiling at your happy news!! =)

  3. You have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving! Can't wait for updates. I know many of us check your blog every day to see if you've updated. Congratulations!