Settling In

Well it's been five days since our ultrasound.  The baby, measuring 11mm at the time, should now be up to a whopping 16mm, or just over 1/2 an inch long.  That's about the size of a raspberry.  (If you ever google raspberry you'll come across some really amazing photos with yummy raspberries so beware.)

This is about how big our baby is at 8 weeks.

David and I have, of course, been talking a lot about what's going on inside my uterus.  I said it felt kind of strange to have this little worm-like thing inside me, with a heartbeat and everything, and then I put my arms hands up to my chest and kind of flapped them like a T-Rex and made a strange sound to convey what my image of what was inside me looked like.  David, horrified, said that he hoped to God that our baby would not have flippers and making a gahhh-gahhh sound.  Hey.  A sense of humour is seriously required in all this baby-making process.  

As cute as that raspberry is, this is more likely what the baby looks like at this stage.  I personally love the big square head and remainder of a tail.  And yes, it does have flippers.

Honestly, although I do feel a bit strange knowing there is something alive inside me, literally attached to me and feeding off my body, I also feel an extremely strong protectiveness towards it.  I like knowing that I'm wrapped around this little life, that my flesh protects it, and that I am aware.  And there is a sense of anti-clamatic settling in, a feeling of 'now what?' to our day to day life.  We are so conditioned to spending this time healing, mourning, finding strength to smile, employing our tried and true methods of coping.  Now... this is new territory... this pure waiting and simply going about the business of being pregnant.  

It's wonderful.

We are getting another ultrasound in about ten days or so.  I'll know the actual date tomorrow.  Maybe I should be more scared than I am; perhaps I should be worried about the heartbeat or the size of the fetus.  But I'm not.  Not really.  

All my exhaustive research assures me that every good sign we could have in front of us, is there.  Most of all, it just feels right.

The most surprising thing is realizing how far along we already are.  We didn't allow ourselves to accept the pregnancy until it was almost a quarter of the way through.  Now I get to see the baby with arms and legs at the next ultrasound, and I get to look forward to hearing the heartbeat on our own doppler in just a few short weeks.  The first trimester ends in mid-December.