my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

It's Happening Very Quickly!

It's only 12 days until I leave for Vancouver!  It seems like time is rushing forward.  Frankly, now that the real prospect of motherhood is upon me, I am terrified.  I've become very used to 'wanting' a baby and I know my chances are very good now at actually 'having' a baby. 

I've filled up my life with non-baby activities and getting used to being baby-less.  I'm nervous about everything.  Nervous about doing something wrong if I do get pregnant and causing another miscarriage.  Nervous about having a hard pregnancy.  Nervous about finding a good doctor if I am pregnant with multiples.  Nervous about the birth.  Nervous about it not working.

I am not a person who is used to feeling fear..... most of the time I am confident and excited about this journey's turn, but sometimes little feelings of terror creep up my spine and I am left motionless and wide eyed. 

3 comments:

  1. I am sorry you are having so many nerves, but I think they are normal. I can honestly say I am feeling them all. We are taking a huge leap of faith and that is scary all the way around. Plus, the unknowns of it all don't help.
    BTW: I don't know what my doc thinks about travel after ET. I will ask on Wed. Will you do your bedrest in Vancouver and then fly home or just go straight home after ET?

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  2. I know how you feel with all the nerves -- we spend so, so much time in the stage of TRYING to get pregnant that we make a lives for ourselves out of that and other independent past times. But you will be okay, and when you get pregnant you will do just fine with all the new obstacles in your path. Just think of all the things you've had to overcome simply TTC. You are flying to a different city and undergoing various procedures. You will rise to the occasion when motherhood happens, too. I know it! *hugs*

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