my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Over Again

There's not much to say.... I was actually hoping for the best and even expecting good news, but it wasn't.  The tech said there was nothing there, except a gestational sac measuring 5.5 weeks.  I looked myself as well and there wasn't even a speck of anything.  So, I stopped the meds and will wait for the miscarriage.

We've got to do some serious thinking and figure out what to do.  As soon as we can think past the sadness.  It was another blighted ovum, meaning all the hormones were still being released and that's why I had all the signs and symptoms (along with the hormones I am taking).  Plus, I was such a downer last time this happened, so sure it was bad news, that I was really trying to have a happier outlook... I did have a happier outlook.  But the ending was still the same.


  1. Oh sweetheart, I know exactly how you are feeling. I've been a fertility patient for five LONG years. I too have experienced miscarriages, a blighted ovum, and an ectopic pregnancy. My tube ruptured and I almost died. I went through 3 rounds of painful IVF until finally deciding to take the next step...donor egg. I am now pregnant...finally at 37. I am only 7 weeks along and know it's still very early. I know the physical, financial, and significant emotional pain infertility causes. I was never even willing to consider a donor egg. I had to go through five years of emotional pain to get to that point of acceptance. Maybe this will help you too. My eggs were too old to yield a successful pregnancy on my own. Have they tested your FSH? Mine was high for my age and I was told our chances of conceiving a healthy baby were like 10-15%%. With donor egg, my chances were 70%. We just couldn't pay that kind of money again with such low odds. My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetie.If you want to talk further, let me know how I can get ahold of you. IT really helps to have someone who really understands what you are going through.

  2. NOOOOO! Oh Sonya, my heart is breaking for you! I am a fertility patient as well and have been on the IVF train along with many other infertility rollercoasters with no success. I feel your pain! You don't know me but I have been following your story for quite some time and I really thought you had hit the winning combination this time.

    I know what it feels like to invest SO MUCH of yourself in EVERY aspect for what feels like nothing. My prayer for you is that you find clarity, peace and strength to move forward. I hope the direction you choose will lead to a full and happy life and all your hopes and dreams will come true.

    Take care of yourself and hold your head high. You are doing everything you can to get what you want out of this life and that is certainly better than standing on the sidelines watching life pass you by.

  3. I am humbled at the strong amazing women who quietly follow my writing. Sometimes it feels like I am writing to nobody but myself, and I wonder why I should even do it. But when I get responses like this I know that there are virtual strangers out there who are supporting me and cheering for me and enduring with me. And it makes the journey bearable.

    Michelle... my FSH was very good for my age, a 6.8 or something like that, and I have no issues with quality or quantity of eggs. They say that it's just 'bad luck'... I would do a donor egg if it would help, but it seems that we are just having to endure more than we thought at first for no good reason.

    Thank you for reading, and even more for posting and letting me know you're here.

  4. Oh Sonya, I am so sorry this nightmare is happening all over again. It's not fair. I feel like kicking something and cursing I'm just so PISSED OFF at the universe that you're enduring this. I hope when you're ready to regroup the doctors have some advice for how to proceed differently.

  5. You have more followers than you think. Your words, your joys and pains, they touch us all. My heart sinks with yours. After our "bad luck" I tried whatever I could to bring on the luck. I used fertility stones. I carried them everywhere with me and even held them in my hand and over my belly during the last transfer. I wore my mom's wedding ring in hopes angels would watch over me that day. (Haven't taken it off since.) I put myself on bedrest, I did it all. The things we do to try and get just one miracle. I am not sure what you and D will decide to do, it is a rocky road this journey you are on. However, if you can do it, we will all be here reading... biting our nails, crossing our fingers and hoping with you. I do believe you have a little angel just waiting for you, just as you are waiting for that little angel.