So after things settled down and the tears were spilled and wiped up, David and I talked. I was surprised and relieved that he wanted to try again without any pushing on my part. However, he wants to wait until January, to give ourselves a chance to lead a normal life for a few months, for my body to cleanse itself of all the hormones and to give me a break from the rigors of ivf-life.
some days i just want to forget everything that's happened.
I spoke to my doctor today. He said there was no known reason for what was happening to us, but that our miscarriages were not 'clinical miscarriages', and didn't seem to think they would put us at a higher risk for losing more pregnancies. Bad fucking luck all the way around. And I am generally known as a woman who has horseshoes up her butt. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe it's the horseshoes up my butt that's causing the baby to not grab on... too uncomfortable.
Anyhow.
If everything were equal, I'd rather wait until January. David feels the doctor is simply putting us into categories and piling statistics onto us to rush us, but David knows that he can't totally say that Doctor H is wrong. Do we take that chance? David feels that the break will do us good ... that it will improve our chances for conception and a healthy pregnancy.
As far as my feelings... well... I will have to go through everything no matter what month it is. It won't matter to me emotionally, I don't think. I've done pretty well so far. Pretty well. I am kind of confused and anxious about what to do. There have been so many big decisions, so much of our life dedicated to this journey, some hours I just want to let it all go. Just go back to being newly married and deliriously happy and renovating our home and working to lose the extra weight and not have this miscarriage trying to get pregnant persona attached to everything that I am.
On the other hand, I've got my entire life ahead of me to do that. I only have a couple of years available to make a baby. A couple of years that might be just as painful as the last couple of years, but the payoff, if there is one... will make every moment worth it.
So which way do I go... do I put my trust in my husband's instincts or my doctor's educated guess? I want to do whatever will bring me a baby.... that's all.
I am currently in my first cycle post an IVF chemical pregnancy and agree that the body does take time to recover. I have been charting for several years and am lucky enough to have normal cycles ranging between 28 to 30 days. This cycle is quite different. I am currently on cycle day 36, never detected ovulation and no signs of starting my period any time soon. Even though the IVF cycle has long passed and all tears have been dried, this cycle is a reminder to me that my body is still recovering.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I agree with your doctor as well. Although labs are excellent today (thank God), at some point they will go south (it happens to every woman).
My vote would be to split the difference. Allow your body (and mind) a couple of cycles to recover and aim to cycle again in October. You could be done with the cycle before the hustle and bustle of the holidays and before the winter weather hits and makes travel more difficult.
Whatever you decide, I will be reading, cheering you on AND wishing you all the best!
Well, I can only speak from my experiences with infertility over five long years. The body is an amazing thing and I believe it recovers faster than we think. The fertility drugs are excreted out of our systems fairly quickly. It's the emotional pain that requires MUCH more time to heal.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the best way to begin the healing process was to jump right back in again. There were times I took a couple of months off to "heal" and found myself even sader and counting down the days even more.
Of course you value and appreciate your husband's opinion. But, I would listen to what your doctor is telling you too. I've read that fertility dramatically declines once a woman hits her mid-thirties. We are in the prime of our lives in other areas, just not fertility...ha!
YOU are the one going through the uncomfortable procedures, countless appointments, side effects of the drugs, etc, etc. I think you should listen to what your heart is saying. I am 37 and I know each month is like a clock going tick tock, tick tock. I felt more pressure at my age to try as soon as my period came. If I were in my 20's, I'd would have taken more time off between cycles.
My advice is to go for it as SOON as you can. I wish you all the best and will continue to read your blog. You have a lot of followers that are so proud of you and are cheering you on!!
Michelle
I was so hoping for a better outcome with the FET. Course who wouldn't be? As for the time frame.... that is a hard decision. My RE actually wanted me to wait when I would have preferred to go head first into another cycle. I kind of wish we had... I'm at the point now where I'm so afraid to hope anymore and now I don't expect anything from our FET in Sept. Yes I still want it to work... I just can't go through the emotional roller coaster I went through before.
ReplyDeleteMy RE predicts MUCH higher success rates with a fresh transfer, rather than a FET. With that in mind, you should GO FOR IT NOW!!!! Good luck!
ReplyDeletePleae keep posting here often. There are many women who are following your story and want to see how it turns out!