my Self

My photo
Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

2dp5dt - 7DPO

What does 2dp5dt mean?  What does DPO mean?  If you don't speak 'fertility' let me translate.

2dp = 2 days past
5dt = 5 day transfer... the '5' refers to how old the transfers are.... in this case, ours were five days old
dpo = days past ovulation

You'll notice that the 2 and the 5 equal 7, hence the 7dpo..... it's a little easier for some women who are following to have the timeline pointed out in both terms.

So, there you go, a lil' lesson on fertility-speak.  Now that you know what it means, want to know what it means?

It means, quite simply, that we are getting really close to seeing if this thing worked.  I've always gotten a real bfp (big fat positive) by 9dpo. 

One really horrible time after an IUI, I tested at 9DPO and it was positive.  I was so excited... then realized it just 'might' be the hcg trigger.  I tested again at 10DPO and it was totally white.  Ugh.  Like I needed that self-imposed kick in the gut.    So after that I learned to test out the trigger.  That's fertility talk for taking a pregnancy test early on a daily basis so you see the line fade away as the hcg leaves your system.  

If the lines comes back, you're pregnant.  If it doesn't, you never were.  Isn't there a quote that goes something like that?  

As far as feeling anything, I'm not feeling anything except hunger.  That's about all that's different - I'm hungrier than I usually am.   

Well, there is something that is different.  Still different all the way through this.  I'm not obsessing.  I forget to update my blog.  I forget that I just had an IVF.  I'm not googling everything related to IVF, and I'm not waking up in the middle of the night wondering if things are going good down there.  I'm not worried about it.  I don't mean to sound harsh or uncaring.  I am thrilled with the idea of a healthy pregnancy and raising a child, but I am tired with wanting it so endlessly.  It's exhausting.

I realize that what's so different is that I'm done 'wanting' so badly.  It's not something I want to experience anymore.  I am going to enjoy the experience for what it is no matter where it takes me; I'm going to gasp and laugh with the highs and let my stomach sink with the lows, but no matter what I am going to feel, above all, the thrill of it all. 

I will feel disappointment and worry when a cool shadow of question falls across my face.  I'll feel the hot surge of hope deep in my stomach when a whisper of hope whirls through world.  There will be moments of sweet, tangy anticipation and breathless, cold moments of dread, but I am finished with the empty, numb feeling of want.  And I am grateful for the ride, so very, very grateful.


  1. Hi!

    I like what you said about getting to a place where you're not obsessing. I totally get that. It is too exhausting to continue obsessing for very long.


  2. Sonya, I google'd "4cb blastocyst" this morning and I almost cried when the link opened a February posting in your blog - and you're from FSJ. I'm at my computer, down the street from Bert Bowes, obsessing (not doing well on that front, today!) about the journey that we're also in the midst of. We pulled out the big IVF gun (after a series of questionable fertility treatments) and went through our first cycle in August. I'm considering it a practice round, with take 2 to occur sometime the end of next month/beginning of December. It's a funny kind of comfort to know that there's someone (or many someones?) else in town who's going through the same thing...

    I think from your post above that you're 9 DPO today. I hope that everything sticks and that your feelings of calm acceptance continue. Lots of love from a stranger in a similar place -


  3. Colleen; I would love to meet if you ever want some support and encouragement... it's a very lonely journey even when you're surrounded by loved ones. Don't know if you know it but we also did a FET in June.. I think for me it's third time's a charm....

  4. Hi Sonya, meeting would be great. My e-mail is cbrownfsjATyahooDOTca, if you'd care to get in touch outside of your blog -please do, if you have time.

    It's a funny headspace, for sure, and trying not to lean too heavily on the folks I love has been a tricky balance. I didn't know that you also transfered - but you're right, third time lucky :) BFP!!!!!

    Now, for me, back out to the slush. Welcome winter!

  5. Hi Sonya, I actually found you on the "our quest for human puppies blog"... I too am a Canadian struggling with infertility. I see you just went through an IVF round and seem to be testing positive! Hope it sticks!! I just started BCP for our first IVF round today! Look forward to following along your journey!