Another Day of Tests.... WTF??

This is the day the trigger is supposed to be out 100%... I can still see a teeny line.. Can you?

There is still a shadow of a line, but you can only see it on the screen if I mess around with the photo and tweak it.  This is with evening sample - very concentrated... LOL  Sorry.. TMI?

Do you see it?  It's pink and faint, but it's there.   It was with first morning sample and VERY diluted... and this showed up within 3 minutes (sooner, but it was at the three minute mark that I confirmed my eyes were not going spinny on me).

And yeah... I had to do another one to prove that it was still getting darker... and it is.  Okay.  So I might be a freak and am totally asking for a huge letdown if that line goes away.. but there are not too many hopeful moments in this journey, so I'm gonna just kind of enjoy this while it lasts.

I know it's too early to test!  I know this would drive some people insane, but it helps me STAY sane!   Okay, so it's not going as I thought.  I thought we'd have total stark white lines at this point.  I know this might somehow be the trigger.  I know I may not be the least bit pregnant.  I know this and trust me, after all we've been through and as long as we've been trying, I know it could all be in my head.  I remind myself of how slim our chances are about every ten minutes. 

I am a notorious horrible fmu tester.  Even when I had good afternoon bfp's before, I had nearly nothing for lines in the mornings.  I never test in the  morning.  Well except for this morning....  I tested and that line came up right away - within three minutes, anyhow...  So WTF???  I am sure I'm too early to be getting positive tests.  The ten and eleven day tests were so damn light that I was shocked to see anything on the day twelve test. 

I know people are worried that this is the trigger and am just getting my hopes up.  They might be correct... but I like getting my hopes up, and so far...... I've survived the fall every time.  I appreciate the gentle 'reminders' to keep my feet on the ground, but with so few moments of hope and optimism, maybe just let me have some enjoyment of a great big old "maybe"?  ;-) 

Besides - if this is a big old ugly bust, I like to get that through my head SLOWLY.... so that I can digest it, occupy myself with all the other wonderful things I have in my life, pamper myself, and be fully aware of what is coming..... NOT in one big moment of supreme moment of realization that I once again failed.  Ya know?