my Self

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Fort St John, BC, Canada
My husband, David, and I had been trying to have a baby since November of 2007. After 'letting things happen', we got the amazing news that we were pregnant in June of 2008. Sadly, that pregnancy ended at 9 weeks with a natural miscarriage. After two more chemical pregnancies, we turned to fertility treatments in 2009. That decision was a disaster, with lousy medical care and poor monitoring. In December of 2009, we made the huge decision to move onto IVF. Things fell into place like magic and we began treatment on January 15, 2010. After a blighted ovum in March, we did a successful FET in June, only to endure another blighted ovum in July. We kept up and underwent another IVF in September/October of 2010 with the arrival of our son, Brogan in July of 2011! After our lovely success (finally) we decided to undertake yet another IVF treatment and hope for a sibling for our little red headed boy. Well... so far it's worked. Our story continues below!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Another Day of Tests.... WTF??

This is the day the trigger is supposed to be out 100%... I can still see a teeny line.. Can you?

There is still a shadow of a line, but you can only see it on the screen if I mess around with the photo and tweak it.  This is with evening sample - very concentrated... LOL  Sorry.. TMI?

Do you see it?  It's pink and faint, but it's there.   It was with first morning sample and VERY diluted... and this showed up within 3 minutes (sooner, but it was at the three minute mark that I confirmed my eyes were not going spinny on me).

And yeah... I had to do another one to prove that it was still getting darker... and it is.  Okay.  So I might be a freak and am totally asking for a huge letdown if that line goes away.. but there are not too many hopeful moments in this journey, so I'm gonna just kind of enjoy this while it lasts.

I know it's too early to test!  I know this would drive some people insane, but it helps me STAY sane!   Okay, so it's not going as I thought.  I thought we'd have total stark white lines at this point.  I know this might somehow be the trigger.  I know I may not be the least bit pregnant.  I know this and trust me, after all we've been through and as long as we've been trying, I know it could all be in my head.  I remind myself of how slim our chances are about every ten minutes. 

I am a notorious horrible fmu tester.  Even when I had good afternoon bfp's before, I had nearly nothing for lines in the mornings.  I never test in the  morning.  Well except for this morning....  I tested and that line came up right away - within three minutes, anyhow...  So WTF???  I am sure I'm too early to be getting positive tests.  The ten and eleven day tests were so damn light that I was shocked to see anything on the day twelve test. 

I know people are worried that this is the trigger and am just getting my hopes up.  They might be correct... but I like getting my hopes up, and so far...... I've survived the fall every time.  I appreciate the gentle 'reminders' to keep my feet on the ground, but with so few moments of hope and optimism, maybe just let me have some enjoyment of a great big old "maybe"?  ;-) 

Besides - if this is a big old ugly bust, I like to get that through my head SLOWLY.... so that I can digest it, occupy myself with all the other wonderful things I have in my life, pamper myself, and be fully aware of what is coming..... NOT in one big moment of supreme moment of realization that I once again failed.  Ya know?


  1. Geez..I totally see that pink line on the 12dpo test. And I also saw how it was getting lighter. So, there is nothing wrong with hoping for the best! And I totally understand the FMU thing so maybe your gut instinct is completely on cue :)

  2. Or there could be more than 1 which would account for higher than normal hcg numbers at this time...
    I'm just sayin :)

  3. Hoping that is your BFP. Day 11 I don't see anything and Day 12 is darker than day 10. is looking good. Everything crossed!!

  4. Your line looks like it is getting darker :) OMG! How exciting!!! Keep testing... Please!!! I like seeing two pink lines!!!

  5. I totally see a line on the last one! Very good reason to be optimistic! Sooooo excited for you!

  6. The line is definitely getting darker. I think this is a good sign!!