Still On Track

This is a chart showing my beta results from 12days past ovulation (when we did the egg retrieval and they were actually fertiized in the lab) to 21days past ovulation.  As you can see, we are dreadfully exactly on track!  It's really pretty stunning how much variance there is between those little dotted lines.. several thousand, actually.  And we seem to be falling right in the middle of it all.  Terms such as 'normal' and 'acceptable' abound! 

Okay so while part of me is jealous of all the huge climbing betas and outragous symptoms that some of my other ivf comrades are experiencing, I must stop and remind myself from time to time of the alternative.  Would I like it if my betas were grazing that bottom dotted line in the diagram above?  Are there not hundreds, or thousands of women who would kill for my beta numbers?  Okay.. gratitude check!  I am extremely hopeful and thankful for the awesome numbers our little maybe-baby is producing.

What am I worried about?  David asked me that last night and a lot of things went through my mind.  I think honestly that pregnant women should be disallowed to use the internet so they can't google every symptom, and every possible phrasing of such symptom.  If I were to go by what the doctors say, I'd believe everything was just peachy!  And... honestly.. chances are, it is. 

I am seeing a new doctor on Friday.  I'm getting another beta on Thursday and hopefully it keeps rising nicely (although it is expected to slow down as the weeks go by).  In about four weeks we'll be past the biggest hurdles and should be enjoying a lovely, normal pregnancy. 

If you are saying to yourself.. hmmmm... she's nervous... she's obsessing.... she should just relax....  You are bang on right.  And I am getting better each day.  With each 'normal' test, every eventless day, I feel the stress and worry melt away.  I am finding things to distract myself.  Tomorrow I am going to a movie with my son's girlfriend, and in the morning, I am going house hunting with my son.  The day after, I am starting my scrapbooking.  As a bit of a stupid thing, I am going to start thinking about doing birth announcements - making them each by hand.  I know it's early, but I somehow want to do something real to balance my worry and doubt.  And if this baby is to be, it's going to have all the magic, security and love that I have to offer.  That includes precious, hand made birth announcements.